Hot Potato Topic March #2

This article speaks for itself. Enjoy, I'm going shopping!

The Chef 

How to Shop at Thrift Stores

Thrifting is a fun and responsible way to make the most from your shopping dollar. Not only can thrifting provide unique, rare, and vintage accessories for your wardrobe and home, it is a form of recycling that reduces environmental waste and sweatshop labor. Make the most of your thrifting trips by learning how, where, and when to do your shopping.

Part 1

Shopping at Thrift Stores

1. 
   1
   Decide what you are looking for. Listing is a handy way of establishing shopping goals. Also consider the following:^[1]

   • It is often best to have a "master list" and then create a smaller list of short term goals that need to be addressed first.
   • Be prepared to search. Some thrift stores are well-organized by gender, size, type of item, or other metrics. Others are a free-for-all of bins and warehouse space. Dress appropriately and be prepared to sort, lift, tug, and push your way through second-hand items
2. 
   2
   Try things on. Without trying clothing on, it's difficult to tell whether it is worth your money.^[2][3]

   • Ask for a fitting room with a mirror or a convenient restroom.
   • Dress in form fitting attire in case a fitting room is not available. That way you can try on clothing over your existing clothes.
3. 
   3
   Assess quality. Thrift store items are purchased "as is"; therefore, it is important to look all purchases over thoroughly before committing to a purchase. Some things to look for are:^[4]

   • If looking at clothing, check seams, cuffs and collars for wear and damage. Also look for staining around the neck, armpit, and inseam.
   • For furniture, make sure that it is sturdy and does not require repairs you are unable to provide.
   • For appliances, ask to plug the item in to make sure it works before purchasing.
   • Check the washing instructions. Getting a silk shirt for $3 dollars initially looks like a great deal; however, when you consider that it's "dry clean only," the savings aren't nearly so great.
4. 
   4
   Have vision. Part of thrift shopping is having a basic idea in mind but being open to opportunities when you find them. Consider the following:^[5]

   • Recognize when a clothing item could be repaired or resized with minimal tailoring.
   • Have a style and color scheme in mind for each room you are decorating. This ensures consistency of theme and avoids impulse purchases.
   • Listen to your gut. Sometimes you may come across an item that you weren't looking for but which is unique, classic, and perfect for a place in your home.
5. 
   
   
   5
   Set shopping limits. You never know what you'll find thrift shopping and the temptation to impulse buy is strong. Ways to avoid over-purchasing are:^[6][7]

   • Go shopping with a price limit in mind and stick to it. This may be a limit you set per item, or for the overall trip, but the idea is to remain mindful of how much you are spending.
   • Don't buy it unless you love it. If you are on the fence about something, take another spin around the store and think about it. If you come back and aren't committed, it wasn't meant to be.

Part 2

Thrifting Tips and Tricks

1. 
   1
   Use your smart phone. This works great for vintage or antique items when you are not sure an item is worth the price listed. Go to Google or eBay and see what it would retail for elsewhere.^[8]
2. 
   2
   Shop for sales. Many stores like Goodwill have weekly "Tag sales," where items with a certain color tag go on sale. Other stores have clearance racks or do periodic sales to clear out inventory. Some larger volume stores even do sales by the pound for items like clothes and linens.^[9]

   • Don't be afraid to haggle. Did you just miss a sale on a large item purchase? Are you making multiple purchases and want to round off the total? Don't be afraid to ask for reasonable accommodation, especially if you are a regular customer.
   • Don't believe the "SOLD" sign. Sometimes the item is already paid for; however, often people say they will come back for something then find something else they like better at a different store. If you see something you love with a sold sign, talk to an employee and/or manager. It's possible the item has been sitting like that for days and no one remember to remove the sign.
   • Always ask for a discount. Does the item in question have a few flaws that are worth a discount? Is the store running a sale that day? If you are buying sale items, often employees can extend the sale to the rest of the items in your purchase.
3. 
   3
   Look for "best value" items. Some types show up in thrift shops looking kind worn out or dated. Other items are donated regularly and you'd never know they were used or second-hand. Look particularly for the items below:^[10]

   • Belts: Accessories like belts are one of the first items to get decommissioned from a wardrobe when styles change. An advantage to belts is that, with a little creativity, the buckles can be replaced and a strip of plain leather doesn't really go out of style.^[11]
   • Shoes: Decent leather shoes command steep prices in most retail stores, so when you can pick up gently used ones at a thrift store for 90% less, it's a significant savings for your budget. Plus with a little oil and polish, they can look brand new.^[12]
   • Furniture: Often stores like Rooms-to-Go and Target will donate last season's merchandise to area thrift stores for tax purposes. In addition, vintage furniture can be recovered, repainted, or reupholstered with new fabric to look like a chic DIY dream.^[13]
   • Jeans: New branded jeans can run from $50 to upwards of $200 dollars while shopping for next-to-new, second-hand jeans usually means paying $10-25 a pair. Especially after Christmas, it's easy to find them with tags still intact.
4. 
   4
   Talk to thrift store employees. The people who work in thrift stores are a wealth of information. Things to ask about are:

   • What days do shipments arrive? Employees can tell you what days they get new items in and when things go on sale.
   • Who are they partnered with? They can tell you whether their store has a donation program with a larger retain store where they take possession of clearance items from a prior season.
   • Have you seen [x] item? If you are a regular customer and make donations, thrift stores will often let you know via phone or email when a specific item you are looking for comes it.
5. 
   5
   Know how to spot a bargain. People often send items to thrift stores not knowing their actual value. Consider the following when thrift shopping:

   • Brand warranties: Some appliances and kitchen tools have lifetime warranties. For example, Le Creuset cookware is ensured against rust along with other cosmetic issues. Proof of purchase is not required to send an item back to the factory and receive a replacement, free of charge.
   • Antiques and hidden treasures. Despite wear and condition, items often go to thrift stores that are invaluable, based on their rarity and place within history. If you suspect you've found such an antique, use a smart phone to look for it online and see the price tag other sellers have placed on it.

Part 3

Finding Thrift Stores

1. 
   1
   Search online. Many thrift stores have websites that will show up in a basic search. Also consider using thethriftshopper.com to find smaller, independent stores along with larger stores in your area.
2. 
   2
   Consider location. The types of residents living around a thrift store can be a good indicator of the sort of items and level of quality you can expect from a thrift store. For example:^[14][15]

   • Thrift stores in more affluent neighborhoods have better quality furnishings than thrift stores in other parts of town. Also, residents in affluent areas are more likely to redecorate based on style and not necessity, meaning that it can be easier to find matching items of good quality.
   • Thrift stores near college campuses are always stocking name brand clothing.
3. 
   3
   Thrift on vacation if possible. This works best when vacationing with a car. Especially if you are visiting a large city, larger volume thrift stores tend to offer a wider selection of items, often of better quality. there's also the chance that trends in the area you are visiting are different than where you are from, and you could find unique and eclectic items.^[16]
4. 
   4
   Utilize other discount shopping venues. Thrift stores are not the only source of bargain shopping.

   • Flea markets. Show up early-- 6am is a good estimate. Do a sweep for furniture items first, picking and choosing what you want. Don't be afraid to haggle, but be fair to the seller. Once you've found furniture and larger items, load them and look for smaller items-- furniture, accessories, clothing, etc.^[17]
   • Consignment stores. These are a type of second hand store that purchases clothing from sellers as opposed to selling donations. This makes them more expensive than thrift stores, but they are a dependable source of well-made, discounted, name brand clothing that is in fashion at the time of purchase.
   • Neighborhood yard sales. While yard sales occur in every city almost every weekend, in order to maximize shopping and save time, look for neighborhood yard sales. These often take place in a single location, like a church or school, or span several blocks, with people selling from their own yards. These are a great way to find furniture and antiques.
   • Estate sales. The ultimate source for gently used antiques, ranging from furniture and dishes, to jewelry and quilts. These take place literally on the "estate" where a person lived and require a little more foreknowledge and research in order to get the best deals.^[18]

Part 4

Creating a Thrifting Schedule

1. 
   1
   Get on email lists and shop online when possible. Most chain thrift outlets like Goodwill and the Salvation Army will put you on a mailing list for coupon and sale opportunities.

   • These same stores often take pictures of furniture and other "in demand" items and post them online. Reviewing online offerings before shopping can save you trips around town.
2. 
   2
   Shop seasonally. Anticipate what people will be turning out of their closets at certain times during the year. When planning your thrifting trips, for certain items, consider the following:

   • Shop for summer clothes in the fall when people are thinning out their warm weather clothes in favor of sweaters and coats. The same goes for getting winter clothes in the spring.
   • Look for kitchen items and accessories after college graduations. When students are done with school, they often move back home or to a new city for employment, leaving behind many gently-used kitchen items, lamps, bedding items, etc.
   • Look for furniture during the summer and early fall. More people get married during the summer than any other time of year and often have duplicate furniture items that wind up at thrift stores.
3. 
   3
   Have a weekly rotation. Looking to get the best deals that thrifting has to offer? Create a weekly rotation for thrifting, centered around when new shipments arrive at each store. Other things to consider are:^[19]

   • Shop early. If you want to get first pick, arrive as the store opens.
   • Shop late. On sale days, some stores are looking to clear out all items on sale, and will offer deeper discounts just before closing.

Warnings

• Wash then wear. Thrift stores are required to wash clothing before it goes on the rack. However, it is necessary to wash or dry clean all linens, clothing and blankets before use. This ensures health and safety against illness.
• Avoid personal products. Be careful purchasing undergarments or body products at thrift stores. Also remember that makeup items, even if sealed, have an expiration date. Cream blushes and foundation, depending on age, can go rancid without being opened. Never purchase items that are already open, as makeup can cause and/or spread infections.^[20]

Sources and Citations

1. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/10/16/thrift-store-shopping-tips_n_4108664.html
2. ↑ http://theartofsimple.net/12-tips-for-thrift-store-shopping/
3. ↑ http://money.usnews.com/money/the-frugal-shopper/2014/03/06/9-thrift-store-tips-and-tricks
4. more citations and sources at http://www.wikihow.com/Shop-at-Thrift-Stores 

Hot Potato Topic March #1

So I got a side email asking me where are the recipes if this is a kitchen of sorts...so ever at the service of my readers, once a month we'll highlight a different recipe, food group or in season food item. Sorry in advance to my vegan and vegetarian friends. We will start with something safe and fun, like avocados. We'll see how this little experiment in the kitchen goes!
The Chef

Avocados are having a well-deserved moment. 

After all, these green fruits are jam-packed with minerals that help fight infection, support our heart and also protects our cells, according to the Washington Post. They're also good sources of fiber and protein, while being low in cholesterol and sugar. Avocados also have a reputation as being full of those good fats, which help our bodies take in all those other good-for-you nutrients. 

But don't put baby, aka avocado, in corner, aka just a guacamole recipe. They're actually great cooking and baking substitutes. 

Don't believe it? Well, here's some avocado ice cream.

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To eat as dessert after some avocado fries. 

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Or maybe you don't know if you want hummus or guacamole. Why not add avocados right into the hummus recipe for creamy deliciousness?

Instead of heavy and unhealthy cream and butter in your pasta sauce, substitute avocado.

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Maybe instead of potato skins, you top some avocado halves with chili and cheese?

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Or bake avocado into a healthy little muffin!

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Or use the creamy texture to create an indulgent chocolate dessert.

Or spread some avocado love on a hot dog.

Here's an idea: Bake brownies with av in them. (Then maybe add some avocado ice cream on top?)

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But if chocolate isn't your thing, try out this avocado cheesecake.

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Avocado also really enhances already delicious risotto. 

Now, off to the grocery store.

From mic.com

Hot Potato Topic February #5

Hello Beautiful People,
Well our discussion about interracial relationships really touched a lot of cords and it shows that when we boil it all down to what really matters, individuals just want to be loved and treated with respect. Many of you felt the heart brokenness of 'Just Want 2B Loved' that stated no one in her racial group was asking her out. She would constantly try to give the brothers first dibs for her time but none seem to be interested. When she finally opened the door to men that were interested all of a sudden her phone started to blow up. Unfortunately the brothers that were calling weren't calling to ask her out but to chastise her for supposedly selling out. I am happy to report she put her haters in their place and she is now engaged to a great guy from Spain.  She promises to keep me posted which means I'll keep you posted too!
I also loved the dad that chimed in and said he didn't care if the guy was purple or polka-dot, just as long as he treated his great treasure, his daughter, right and special as he and his wife have always done.

So with that said it seems love and taking risks are tied together. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? But I thing the growing numbers of unhappy people stem from no one takes risks anymore. Where are the stories of the men that have to fight down their nervousness to ask the girl out on a date? What happened to the women that leave the love notes in the man's lunchbox to remind them how special they are to them? Sure we live in the day of emails and texts but we don't risk any more. We play things a little to safe. I drop money in the beggar's cup but do I stop and see what I could truly do to help that person. That would mean I would have to take a risk. The world is playing things a little too safe and many are going unloved, unwanted, unfulfilled.

Think about recent movies, television shows, or even books we are enjoying. Yeah, some are good and keep your interested but something is missing. The new #StarWars movie could have been so much more. Even though it was enjoyable a great much was missed out on because no one took a risk especially since the books that had done quite will with the loyal fan base would have given an excellent amount of material to pull from and make an truly awesome experience. Some of the fans of the show #SleepyHollow voice this as well. The Powers That Be didn't trust in their fans so they didn't take the risk they should have taken with their main characters. Just a side note: I didn't always watch the show but I did feel Ichabod not kissing Abby was a HUGE mistake...I mean really everyone saw they were connected and you don't spend that much time with someone, going literally to hell and back and not become bonded. Lastly I think of the growing Interracial Romance genre. Gone are the days of romance only being about the twenty-something, size 3, blonde falling for the six foot seven Greek god of a man with all the attributes we all pray for. We got books about curvy women, older women, ex-cons, and motorcycle gangs. Paranormal is also not just about those of the lily white hue either. People are taking risk.

That is why I enjoy what gets cooked here. WE all take a risk, commenting, offering advice, disagreeing and agreeing with each other. Dialogue is opened up and information is exchanged. May we continue to take risk, do the right thing and make our world better. 

Okay people get out their and love someone, whether it be in word or deed, let's put some positive energy into the world and take a risk. There is someone I see everyday on my way to the office...I am going to start there.
The Chef

Hot Potato Topic February #4

Well I thought I'd wrap this month up with some relationship quotes...
alas we all can use a good laugh, even in the mist of our tears to help us realize that it truly isn't the end of the world and that each day is a new opportunity to live and love.
All right time to get back to cooking,
The Chef

"You don't need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely."

"The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your flaws and mistakes and weaknesses and still thinks you are completely amazing."

"A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but you won't go anywhere."

"A true relationship is someone who accepts your past, supports your present, loves you and encourages your future."

"If you carry the bricks from your past relationship, you will end up building the same house."

"The best relationships are the ones you never expected to be in, the ones you never saw coming."

"Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together."

"We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice."

"I love you not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you."

Hot Potato Topic February #3

Since we're still in the month of February, let's talk about relationships...more specific interracial. What are your thoughts? I so far have not dated anyone outside my race...haven't been asked but if asked would I put my spoon in another's pot? I am definitely willing to try...who knows what one date might lead too, right? This city girl would have not problems having dinner with the country boy. For those of you a little shy or want the cons first....here you go!
Until next time,
The Chef

Five Reasons Not to Date Interracially

Today interracial relationships enjoy more support in the United States than at any point in history. While two decades ago, fewer than half of Americans approved of interracial marriage, now 65 percent of all Americans support such relationships, and 85 percent of young people do. Attitudes towards interracial marriage are so progressive that some people prefer to exclusively date interracially. But are they doing so for the wrong reasons? There are a number of reasons not to date interracially, including for social status, because it’s trendy, or in hopes of remedying a rocky love life. Dating interracially with misguided motives will inevitably lead to problems. Which issues draw people to interracial romances for questionable reasons? Learn more with this overview.

To End the Losing Streak in Your Love Life

You’ve dated a long line of losers—deadbeats, cheaters, manipulators. They all belonged to your racial group, so you figure you’ll have better luck dating someone of a different race.

That’s because deadbeats, cheaters and manipulators only come in one color, right? If only things were that simple. The reality is that you’ll have to do much more than land a love interest with a different skin tone than yours to end destructive dating patterns. The answer to your romance problems isn’t crossing the color line but examining why you’re drawn to inappropriate partners.

To Gain Status

The idea of dating interracially to gain social status may seem peculiar. After all, interracial couples face discrimination that may lead to distinct disadvantages. Because the United States remains racially stratified, however, it’s considered advantageous for members of oppressed groups to pair up with those of more powerful groups. From the Antebellum Era on, such partnerships have allowed people of color to gain access to a quality of life that likely would’ve eluded them otherwise. Although today racial minorities can make it on their own, those who’ve succeeded may feel the need to score a spouse from another race to boost their image or better fit into the corporate landscape.
As noted in the short story collection You Are Free, “The world out there insisted as soon as a black man made it, he should marry a white woman. As soon as a black woman made it, she should marry a white man.”
No one should date interracially due to external pressures. If Barack Obama won his presidential campaign with a black woman at his side, it’s certainly not necessary for, say, a businessman to date interracially for the purpose of upward mobility. In an ideal world, people wouldn’t enter romantic relationships for what they stand to gain from their partners. This isn’t to say that every successful minority who dates or marries interracially does so with ulterior motives. But just as some high-powered men pursue trophy wives, some members of minority groups pursue mates from the dominant culture for status.

Everyone Else Doing It

Wherever you look, you see interracial couples. Your friends, colleagues and relatives are all dating interracially or have in the past. Given this, you decide to take the plunge as well. After all, you don’t want to be the odd one out or, even worse, the boring one. Soon, you’re visiting interracial dating websites. Prospective dates from a variety of racial groups lie at your fingertips.
Why isn’t this a wise move? The race of your date shouldn’t be the main draw for you nor should your dating patterns be influenced by what’s trendy now. The common interests and chemistry you have with a person should be the driving force for your decision to purse a relationship. Interracial couples face real challenges. The person who becomes part of such pair because it’s hip or trendy won’t be prepared to deal with them.

Rebellion

Many parents tell children outright which racial groups they approve of them dating and which racial groups they forbid them to date. Actress Diane Farr is a case in point. Now married to a Korean-American man, Farr had been told growing up that her boyfriends could only be German, Irish, French or Jewish. "No blacks and no Puerto Ricans, though, or you are out of my house," Farr recalled her mother saying. Farr did go on to date black and Puerto Rican men, however, and her parents came around.
Farr defied her parents’ dating rules because she formed genuine connections with men from minority backgrounds. Some people, in contrast, flout their parents’ wishes simply to rebel. No child should feel pressured to go along with their parents’ racist beliefs. At the same time, it’s irresponsible to seek out partners you know your parents would disapprove of just to rebel against them. The mates you seek out certainly won’t appreciate being used as fodder in the war with your parents. If you disagree with your parents’ views on race, challenge them directly by broaching discussions about the issue with them. And if you and your parents have other problems, don’t try to hurt them by dating interracially. You’ll only end up hurting your date and yourself for behaving so insensitively.

You Feel Inferior

It’s no secret that society ingrains messages of inferiority in certain racial groups. This leads some members of minority groups to experience self-hatred. Such people are not only ashamed of their culture but of the physical features they have that reflect that culture. If they could erase every trait that singles them out as belonging to their minority group, they would. Since that’s impossible, they settle for seemingly second best—coupling up with someone from a different race to make them feel better about themselves or to produce children without their telltale ethnic features.
A person this insecure is unlikely to make a good partner. As the old saying goes, you can’t love someone until you love yourself. Rather than dating across ethnic lines for validation, such people need to learn how to feel better about who they are. Seeking therapy, reading up on their cultural background and surrounding themselves with positive images related to their ethnic group may help.

Hot Potato Topic February #2

 Hey my people
I thought this was great for those of you still trying to get it right for V day!
So pay attention, take good notes! Can't wait to hear how you all celebrated. Looking for the success stories and the not-so-successful tales of love!
Yours in the kitchen,
The Chef

Click the link below!


Romantic Dinner at Home

Hot Potato Topic February #1

Love's in the air....yes, that means a lot of ya'll getting ready to get crazy and let your horniness show! Not judging or hating just observing....somebody got to make sure the pot doesn't boil over.
Anyway as you get ready to love the one you're with and knock da' boots, enjoy this fun read that I saw while delayed at the airport.
Can't wait to get back to my kitchen,
The Chef,

Sophia Dembling The Introvert's Corner

Love the One You're With? Or Choose the One You Love?

How going with the flow can get you into the wrong relationship 

Are you looking for love or waiting for love to find you?
If you’re a quiet introvert who prefers sitting in the corner, and if you’re accustomed to feeling like you’re always overlooked, having the high beams of an extrovert’s attention turned on you can be flattering, if not blinding. It’s hard not to be drawn in when the center of attention wants to share the spotlight with you, and it’s hard to resist a forceful personality reaching out and pulling you in.
On one hand, this is fine. Many introverts are not comfortable being the pursuer in relationships. Dan, a 44-year-old computer tech who married an extrovert he met on the job, says, “Given that I was/am also shy with women, dating an introverted woman would have been difficult and long. Actually the dating wouldn’t have been bad, getting around to asking her out would have been long and difficult.”
Ray-Mel, who was first pursued by his wife, says, “I think someone who approaches someone else is by nature extroverted. . . . Recovering from a rejection isn’t as difficult as it is for someone who is more introverted and finds it hard enough to make an approach at all.”

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing you’re not the pursuer type. It’s the kind of self-knowledge that can put you on the path to a happy ending. Many of the introverts I spoke to said that they did tend to be the pursued rather than the pursuer, but some also realized that it meant they didn’t always make conscious choices in their relationships. “I’m very shy and too afraid of embarrassment to put myself out there,” says 17-year-old Niza. And so even though she’s not interested in super-friendly guys who have lots and lots of friends everywhere, she usually ends up with talkative extroverts. “Which is probably why we didn’t work out,” she says. “I always get bored or aggravated with the person and dump him.”
Because of our tendency to let others take the lead, we are at risk of being sucked into relationships we might not have chosen if we’d given it more thought.

We’ve already talked about why introverts can be appealing to extroverts: We let them have the spotlight, we listen to them, and the rapt attention we are capable of providing (or at least faking) is irresistible to an attention-hungry extrovert. And some extroverts genuinely need us (whether or not they’re aware of it) to help them slow down sometimes. “It’s easy for her to get pulled a thousand ways by people,” says Nancy about her “large-and-in-charge” wife. “To have someone who can be quiet with her is really a healthy thing for her.”
All this is 100 percent A-OK. If you find nourishment in the energy of an extrovert, if you enjoy basking in a reflected spotlight, if you are endlessly entertained by extroverted antics, or any of the other myriad reasons you might be drawn to extroverts, then let that extrovert woo you and enjoy.

All I suggest is that if you are going to be drawn into an extrovert’s whirl, be sure you do it consciously and for the right reasons. Don’t just fall in love with someone loving you, if you know what I mean. Actually, that’s probably good advice for anyone, introvert or extrovert. But because introverts are less likely to stick their necks out to make connections, we can be more easily drawn into an extrovert’s attention without considering whether it’s the kind of attention that feeds our souls.
Among the risks of letting the extrovert choose you is that after the initial thrill of your undivided attention wanes, the extrovert might wait for something more exciting to happen, leading to hurtful disappointment. Or you might learn that you enjoy all that fuss and bother only to a degree and after a while find yourself wondering irritably why this bundle of noise and energy doesn’t just calm down and read a book or something. (Granted, you might grumble about that sometimes even if the relationship is generally successful. Just as your extrovert might sometimes wish you would put out a little more energy around people. No relationship is without frustrations, and that’s fine, if they’re fleeting.) You might tire of sharing your loved one with his or her three hundred closest friends. You might get tired of being dragged to parties, or your extrovert might get tired of having to be the engine of your mutual social life.

You might even find you feel threatened by your outgoing extrovert’s easy charms with strangers. In an online essay, “6 Things Every Extrovert Secretly Has to Deal With,” extroverted writer Macy Santo Domingo complains that “People will often assume you’re flirting,” even when you are just being your ordinary, outgoing extroverted self. This is a problem for her, she continues, when her friendliness is “misinterpreted as something more, especially when the person you are talking to gets offended that you are not, in fact, hitting on them.”
Some extroverts might have a flirtatious manner that they have trouble turning off whether or not they intend to flirt. While this might be a little irritating for the extrovert, it can feel deeply threatening for an introverted partner who perceives flirtation and its attendant attention differently.

Of course, you also have to trust your gut because while it could be your extrovert is just being friendly, it also could be genuine flirtation. If it is flirtatiousness, use your gut again to determine whether it’s all in fun or an actual threat. And regardless of whether it’s a genuine threat or not, if you dislike it and the extrovert is unwilling to ratchet it back for your peace of mind, then you get to decide if you’re OK with this in your relationship.
If any of these relationship breakdowns happen, it’s important to remind yourself that it’s just part of finding your way to love. An extrovert might choose you, but you always have the option to opt out if the fit is wrong. If the extrovert you were dating ultimately found you dull, don’t take his or her word for it without first asking yourself what this person’s criteria for “interesting” are. They might be entirely different from your own, and entirely different from the person you want to be. In other words, you’re not dull just because this person thinks you are.

Actually, the person might be reacting to something that has little to do with you. My friend Carol Lennox, LPC, a therapist in Austin, Texas, points out that problems in the relationship often trace back to childhood stuff. An extrovert who was neglected as a child might be drawn to introverts because that lack of attention feels familiar, she says. “This hooks into the childhood pain and makes them angry at the introvert, who may be simply being themselves.”
In his classic self-help book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix points out that most of us look for mates who are like the people who raised us, in order to do it right this time. “Our old brain . . . is trying to recreate the environment of childhood. And the reason the old brain is trying to resurrect the past is not a matter of habit or blind compulsion but of a compelling need to heal old childhood wounds.”
In that case, by choosing you, the other person may be subconsciously opting in to a relationship that has problems built right into it from the get-go. And you may or may not be doing the same thing, depending on whether you are genuinely attracted to the relationship or if you just allowed yourself to get sucked into it.

Sound like pretty heavy stuff? Well, there’s not a lot in the world that’s heavier than choosing the person with whom we feel safe to be ourselves, which is one good reason to wait until we have a reasonably mature view of our needs and wants before we set our life-love path. Getting to know oneself that well can be a long and difficult process, often learned through a lot of trial and error, which in relationships can also mean an awful lot of hurt.
If you frequently find yourself in relationships with friends or lovers who make you feel small and less-than, or if you find yourself frequently exhausted in the relationship from the effort of maintaining a persona the other person expects, maybe you’re letting others choose you rather than choosing to be with people who make you feel wonderful. It might be time to step back and think a little bit: What do you want in a relationship, and is that what you are finding? Are you settling for not-quite-right relationships because they find you?

Excerpted from Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After.
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• The Introverts Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World
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Hot Potato Topic January #4

Tackling a little tougher issue today my people. I agree all people have a right to life and determining what is done to their bodies we need to take a step back and see where some of our medical advances really come from. I will always love what Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park said, "Just because we can doesn't mean we should."
Now this article isn't to rain on the parade of those who party hard, and let their bodies do whatever feels right but abortion as birth control just sounds scary to me. I rather be more selective about whose magic wand I am going to play with. Was he that thick, long and veiny that you just lost control? But before ya'll start a food fight in the kitchen and play the rape, incest and all the other heart breaks we woman have to deal with just take a read at the article below. I want you to make an informed decision so you can be safe and know just what you might be opening yourself up to.
Looking forward to a robust discussion.
As always yours in the kitchen,
The Chef

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AP file image Margaret Sanger

The truth about Planned Parenthood

By Day Gardner • 6/25/13 12:00 AM

Here we go again. Planned Parenthood and the "fact-checkers" at the Washington Post are laboring overtime to dismiss concerns about the racial impact of the organization founded by Margaret Sanger roughly a century ago. Their latest target: E.W. Jackson, candidate for Lieutenant Governor of Virginia, for exposing the racial motivations of Sanger's movement.
These critics need to re-check their facts. Elite bigotry was the fuel for the empire Sanger and her successors have built into a global force.
For decades, our culture of abortion on demand, at any time and for any reason, has adversely affected black women and their families. This is not ancient history. It is Virginia history, right now. The most recent abortion statistics for Virginia from 2011 show that while blacks make up 19.8 percent of the Commonwealth, they account for almost 42 percent of its abortions.
Planned Parenthood knows the statistics, yet they blame black women for the circumstances that lead to abortion -- that is, poor use of birth control. Leaving the subtle racism behind that assertion aside, it's deeply troubling that the persistently higher rate of abortions among blacks sparks only self-defense from the abortion industry.

 

Planned Parenthood has never confronted its founder's profoundly troubling history, instead annually presenting their most prestigious award in her name — the "Maggie." She is their modern heroine, but they ignore her unsettling record.

 

Historian Edwin Black presents a careful assessment of Sanger's ruthless career. In his history, "War Against the Weak: Eugenics and America's Campaign to Create a Master Race," he writes, "Sanger surrounded herself with some of the eugenics movement's most outspoken racists and white supremacists." The most prominent was Lothrop Stoddard, a thoroughgoing bigot who wrote a book called "The Rising Tide of Color Against White World Supremacy." Sanger did not merely stand near Stoddard on public platforms, she invited him onto the board of her American Birth Control League.

 

In her book, The Pivot of Civilization, and throughout her career, she called for the elimination of "human weeds," for the segregation of "morons, misfits, and maladjusted" and for the sterilization of "genetically inferior races." She believed in mandatory segregation and forced sterilization of these inferiors.

 

Sanger did not merely dabble with such ideas and ideologues, she sought (and achieved) lifelong partnerships with the world's leading eugenicists. Is it any wonder that she agreed to deliver a speech at a rally of the Ku Klux Klan in Silver Lake, N.J.? In her autobiography, she admits knowing that the Klan terrorized black families with lynchings that began immediately after The Civil War. After her speech, she received and welcomed additional speaking requests from similar groups.

 

The KKK tortured and killed about 3,500 Blacks throughout its reign of terror. Planned Parenthood's abortion industry has killed millions — and the killing continues.

 

Was Planned Parenthood's Founder a racist? The facts speak for themselves. Even after World War II and the stunning revelation of abuses by Nazi Germany's eugenic sterilization program, she championed a high official in that program, Hans Harmsen, to be the president of International Planned Parenthood in postwar Germany.

 

Black concludes that "Sanger never lost ... her fiery determination to eliminate the unfit." And it is poor defense that she included many others besides African-Americans among those to be eliminated by abortion and coercion.

 

Today, Planned Parenthood eliminates more than 330,000 American babies every year. Almost 40 percent of those children are Black. E.W. Jackson is making a few people uncomfortable by pointing out a truth they would rather forget. He deserves the thanks of every Virginian. 

Dr. Day Gardner is Founder and President of The National Black Pro-Life Union.

Hot Potato Topic January #3

Hey my people, we're continuing on our theme to get ourselves together...finances, mind, now we turn to the body. For those of you counting your steps, more power to you. I on the other had like the less is more approach. But hey to each his own, right? Okay read on and get edjumacated! LOL

Yours in the kitchen,

The Chef 

10 Things to Stop Doing if You Want to Lose Weight

Lose weight faster with simple adjustments to your daily routine

Avoid common diet mistakes to lose weight faster.  Jamie Grill/The Image Bank/Getty Images

By Malia Frey

Weight Loss Expert

Written or medically reviewed by a board-certified physician. See About.com's Medical Review Policy.

Are you beginning to think that you can't lose weight? Does it feel like all of your diet efforts backfire and cause weight gain? If you want to shed pounds, find out which common weight loss mistakes might be preventing you from getting the results that you want.  Then make simple changes to tweak your weight loss plan and slim down faster.

10 Things to Stop Doing if You Want to Lose Weight

1. Stop choosing the wrong diet.  How often have you chosen a diet because it worked for a friend? Perhaps you were inspired by a celebrity spokesperson? A diet might be perfect for someone else, but their needs, their lifestyle, and their food preferences could be completely different from yours.
   Do this instead: Ask yourself five important questions about your diet history, medical background, and emotional support. The answers will help you to identify your specific needs as a dieter and help you to choose the best weight loss plan for you.
    
2. Stop setting unrealistic goals.  Dieters are often highly motivated and full of excitement at the beginning of their weight loss program. It is often during this phase that they set unrealistic goals for weight loss. But high expectations can cause weight gain when lack of progress leads to lack of motivation.
   Do this instead: Learn how to set small goals that you'll actually reach.  These smaller steps provide a roadmap for your weight loss journey. As you reach each small goal you get a boost of confidence and you stay motivated on the way to your ultimate goal.
    

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1. Stop using "lack of time" as an excuse.  One of the most common barriers to weight loss is the belief that you don't have enough time. One study found that 41% of women said "lack of time" was the reason that they didn't eat better and 73% of women said they didn't exercise because their schedules were too busy. The bottom line is that if you want to lose weight, you have to find a way to make time for healthy activity.
   Do this instead: Get out an old-fashioned paper calendar and find windows of time that are not consumed by absolute necessities. Then create a schedule for healthy weight loss activities. Pen in the most important tasks and schedule everything else around them. Don't be afraid to put other priorities on the back burner or ask for help (see item #4) so that you can take the time you need to make your health a top priority.
    
2. Stop isolating yourself.  In a recent interview with Biggest Loser runner-up Hanna Curlee, she said that the most important thing she learned during her successful weight loss experience was to ask for help. "I was ashamed to ask for help," she said. "I could have called someone and reached out for help, but I thought I didn't have anyone." She realized later that she had friends and family who were willing and able to help her through her weight loss journey.
   Do this instead: Learn how to get diet support from family and friends. Take the time to identify your needs for yourself and then approach others for help. That way, you'll be clear about defining specific ways in which they can help. Find friends at work, at the gym, in your neighborhood or even at church.  You can also connect with me on Facebook for daily support.
    
3. Stop underestimating your food intake.  Do you really count all of your calories? Remember that even tiny 25-calorie nibbles here and there throughout the day can add up. Snacks count, food from your dining partner's plate counts, and calories consumed during food preparation count. Your daily caloric intake might be significantly higher than you think.
   Do this instead: Use a food tracker like the one at CalorieCount.com. The website provides a great tool, and there is even a mobile app that will help you track every food that you consume. Make your entries more accurate by purchasing an inexpensive food scale. The tool will allow you to report the exact size of each portion you consume.
    
4. Stop believing that "healthy" foods will cause weight loss.  Several studies have shown that people are more likely to overeat foods that they perceive to be healthy. One study at the University of Michigan found that when a food was labeled "organic," dieters ate more of it. The bottom line? Your "healthy" snack may cause unhealthy weight gain.
   Do this instead: Ignore front-of-package marketing and get your information from the nutritional facts label. Your favorite foods may contain a few healthy ingredients, but they may be too high in fat or calories to be part of your weight loss plan. Either eat them in moderation or trash the foods that are keeping you fat.
    
5. Stop sitting all day.  Non-exercise activity thermogenesis, or NEAT, is a fancy term for all of the non-exercise movement that you do every day. It can account for up to 15-30% of your total calorie burn. If you spend your day sitting at a desk or your evenings lying on the couch, the calories you burn from NEAT will be minimal.
   Do this instead: Learn how to burn calories without exercise.  Boost your NEAT all day long.  If you have a desk job, get up every hour and walk to the restroom on a different floor, refill your water, run an errand on foot, or climb the stairs in your office building. If you like watching television at night, fold laundry or dust furniture instead of just lying on the couch.
    
6. Stop overestimating your exercise activity.  Many people who want to lose weight join a gym. But you actually have to go to the health club to burn calories. And your workout time is only the time you spend exercising. It should not include the time you spend in the locker room, parking your car, and chatting with friends.
   Do this instead:  Invest in a heart rate monitor to get a more accurate estimate of your workout time. There are quite a few models on the market, so compare prices to find one that fits your budget. A heart rate monitor not only lets you know how hard you are working, but most models will measure your "time in range" to let you know exactly how many minutes you can count as exercise.
    
7. Stop compensating for exercise by eating more.  It is normal for your appetite to increase when you begin to exercise. A common weight loss mistake is to indulge in extra snacks and treats as a reward for the workout. But eating those treats can cause weight gain.
   Do this instead: Plan a healthy, low-calorie snack to eat right after you exercise. Combine a healthy lean protein with a carbohydrate to satisfy your hunger and replace nutrients lost during the workout. A glass of skim chocolate milk works well and tastes decadent enough to feel like a treat.
    
8. Stop expecting major results from minimal change. There are certain facts about weight loss that smart dieters learn after a while.  One of the them is that dieting is difficult.  Of course, you'll see ads for popular weight loss pills that claim to help you lose weight without any effort.  And many trendy fad diets make the same promises.  But those products and plans don't work.
   Do this instead: Embrace the truth that weight loss is hard, but don't let the difficulty of the process deter you. The things that are most valuable in the world - like your health - deserve your consistent effort. So instead of getting frustrated, celebrate small accomplishments to stay focused. For example, if the scale isn't giving you the weight loss results that you want, then celebrate the fact that you ate a well-balanced diet during the day and remind yourself about the health benefits you gain from eating well. Your exercise plan may not be resulting in weight loss yet, but it may help you sleep better at night and feel better during the day. Look for and acknowledge the little perks along the way.
9. Stop compensating for exercise by eating more.  It is normal for your appetite to increase when you begin to exercise. A common weight loss mistake is to indulge in extra snacks and treats as a reward for the workout. But eating those treats can cause weight gain.
   Do this instead: Plan a healthy, low-calorie snack to eat right after you exercise. Combine a healthy lean protein with a carbohydrate to satisfy your hunger and replace nutrients lost during the workout. A glass of skim chocolate milk works well and tastes decadent enough to feel like a treat.
    
10. Stop expecting major results from minimal change. There are certain facts about weight loss that smart dieters learn after a while.  One of the them is that dieting is difficult.  Of course, you'll see ads for popular weight loss pills that claim to help you lose weight without any effort.  And many trendy fad diets make the same promises.  But those products and plans don't work.
    Do this instead: Embrace the truth that weight loss is hard, but don't let the difficulty of the process deter you. The things that are most valuable in the world - like your health - deserve your consistent effort. So instead of getting frustrated, celebrate small accomplishments to stay focused. For example, if the scale isn't giving you the weight loss results that you want, then celebrate the fact that you ate a well-balanced diet during the day and remind yourself about the health benefits you gain from eating well. Your exercise plan may not be resulting in weight loss yet, but it may help you sleep better at night and feel better during the day. Look for and acknowledge the little perks along the way.

_{Sources:
G. A. Kline, S. D. Pedersen. "Errors in patient perception of caloric deficit required for weight loss-observations from the Diet Plate Trial." Diabetes, Obesity and Metabolism Volume 12, Issue 5, pages 455-457, May 2010.
Veronique Provencher, Janet Polivy, C. Peter Herman. "Perceived healthiness of food. If it's healthy, you can eat more!." Appetite Volume 52, Issue 2, April 2009, Pages 340-344.
Jonathon P. Schuldt., Norbert Schwarz. "The "organic" path to obesity? Organic claims influence calorie judgments and exercise recommendations." Judgment and Decision Making, Vol. 5, No. 3, June 2010, pp. 144-150.
Welch N, McNaughton SA, Hunter W, Hume C, Crawford D. "Is the perception of time pressure a barrier to healthy eating and physical activity among women?." Public Health Nutrition. 2009 Jul;12(7):888-95.}