Monday, February 29, 2016

Hot Potato Topic February #5

Hello Beautiful People,
Well our discussion about interracial relationships really touched a lot of cords and it shows that when we boil it all down to what really matters, individuals just want to be loved and treated with respect. Many of you felt the heart brokenness of 'Just Want 2B Loved' that stated no one in her racial group was asking her out. She would constantly try to give the brothers first dibs for her time but none seem to be interested. When she finally opened the door to men that were interested all of a sudden her phone started to blow up. Unfortunately the brothers that were calling weren't calling to ask her out but to chastise her for supposedly selling out. I am happy to report she put her haters in their place and she is now engaged to a great guy from Spain.  She promises to keep me posted which means I'll keep you posted too!
I also loved the dad that chimed in and said he didn't care if the guy was purple or polka-dot, just as long as he treated his great treasure, his daughter, right and special as he and his wife have always done.

So with that said it seems love and taking risks are tied together. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? But I thing the growing numbers of unhappy people stem from no one takes risks anymore. Where are the stories of the men that have to fight down their nervousness to ask the girl out on a date? What happened to the women that leave the love notes in the man's lunchbox to remind them how special they are to them? Sure we live in the day of emails and texts but we don't risk any more. We play things a little to safe. I drop money in the beggar's cup but do I stop and see what I could truly do to help that person. That would mean I would have to take a risk. The world is playing things a little too safe and many are going unloved, unwanted, unfulfilled.

Think about recent movies, television shows, or even books we are enjoying. Yeah, some are good and keep your interested but something is missing. The new #StarWars movie could have been so much more. Even though it was enjoyable a great much was missed out on because no one took a risk especially since the books that had done quite will with the loyal fan base would have given an excellent amount of material to pull from and make an truly awesome experience. Some of the fans of the show #SleepyHollow voice this as well. The Powers That Be didn't trust in their fans so they didn't take the risk they should have taken with their main characters. Just a side note: I didn't always watch the show but I did feel Ichabod not kissing Abby was a HUGE mistake...I mean really everyone saw they were connected and you don't spend that much time with someone, going literally to hell and back and not become bonded. Lastly I think of the growing Interracial Romance genre. Gone are the days of romance only being about the twenty-something, size 3, blonde falling for the six foot seven Greek god of a man with all the attributes we all pray for. We got books about curvy women, older women, ex-cons, and motorcycle gangs. Paranormal is also not just about those of the lily white hue either. People are taking risk.

That is why I enjoy what gets cooked here. WE all take a risk, commenting, offering advice, disagreeing and agreeing with each other. Dialogue is opened up and information is exchanged. May we continue to take risk, do the right thing and make our world better. 

Okay people get out their and love someone, whether it be in word or deed, let's put some positive energy into the world and take a risk. There is someone I see everyday on my way to the office...I am going to start there.
The Chef

Monday, February 22, 2016

Hot Potato Topic February #4

Well I thought I'd wrap this month up with some relationship quotes...
alas we all can use a good laugh, even in the mist of our tears to help us realize that it truly isn't the end of the world and that each day is a new opportunity to live and love.
All right time to get back to cooking,
The Chef

"You don't need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely."

"The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your flaws and mistakes and weaknesses and still thinks you are completely amazing."

"A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but you won't go anywhere."

"A true relationship is someone who accepts your past, supports your present, loves you and encourages your future."

"If you carry the bricks from your past relationship, you will end up building the same house."

"The best relationships are the ones you never expected to be in, the ones you never saw coming."

"Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together."

"We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice."

"I love you not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you."

Monday, February 15, 2016

Hot Potato Topic February #3

Since we're still in the month of February, let's talk about relationships...more specific interracial. What are your thoughts? I so far have not dated anyone outside my race...haven't been asked but if asked would I put my spoon in another's pot? I am definitely willing to try...who knows what one date might lead too, right? This city girl would have not problems having dinner with the country boy. For those of you a little shy or want the cons you go!
Until next time,
The Chef

Five Reasons Not to Date Interracially

Today interracial relationships enjoy more support in the United States than at any point in history. While two decades ago, fewer than half of Americans approved of interracial marriage, now 65 percent of all Americans support such relationships, and 85 percent of young people do. Attitudes towards interracial marriage are so progressive that some people prefer to exclusively date interracially. But are they doing so for the wrong reasons? There are a number of reasons not to date interracially, including for social status, because it’s trendy, or in hopes of remedying a rocky love life. Dating interracially with misguided motives will inevitably lead to problems. Which issues draw people to interracial romances for questionable reasons? Learn more with this overview.

To End the Losing Streak in Your Love Life

You’ve dated a long line of losers—deadbeats, cheaters, manipulators. They all belonged to your racial group, so you figure you’ll have better luck dating someone of a different race.
That’s because deadbeats, cheaters and manipulators only come in one color, right? If only things were that simple. The reality is that you’ll have to do much more than land a love interest with a different skin tone than yours to end destructive dating patterns. The answer to your romance problems isn’t crossing the color line but examining why you’re drawn to inappropriate partners.

To Gain Status

The idea of dating interracially to gain social status may seem peculiar. After all, interracial couples face discrimination that may lead to distinct disadvantages. Because the United States remains racially stratified, however, it’s considered advantageous for members of oppressed groups to pair up with those of more powerful groups. From the Antebellum Era on, such partnerships have allowed people of color to gain access to a quality of life that likely would’ve eluded them otherwise. Although today racial minorities can make it on their own, those who’ve succeeded may feel the need to score a spouse from another race to boost their image or better fit into the corporate landscape.
As noted in the short story collection You Are Free, “The world out there insisted as soon as a black man made it, he should marry a white woman. As soon as a black woman made it, she should marry a white man.”
No one should date interracially due to external pressures. If Barack Obama won his presidential campaign with a black woman at his side, it’s certainly not necessary for, say, a businessman to date interracially for the purpose of upward mobility. In an ideal world, people wouldn’t enter romantic relationships for what they stand to gain from their partners. This isn’t to say that every successful minority who dates or marries interracially does so with ulterior motives. But just as some high-powered men pursue trophy wives, some members of minority groups pursue mates from the dominant culture for status.

Everyone Else Doing It

Wherever you look, you see interracial couples. Your friends, colleagues and relatives are all dating interracially or have in the past. Given this, you decide to take the plunge as well. After all, you don’t want to be the odd one out or, even worse, the boring one. Soon, you’re visiting interracial dating websites. Prospective dates from a variety of racial groups lie at your fingertips.
Why isn’t this a wise move? The race of your date shouldn’t be the main draw for you nor should your dating patterns be influenced by what’s trendy now. The common interests and chemistry you have with a person should be the driving force for your decision to purse a relationship. Interracial couples face real challenges. The person who becomes part of such pair because it’s hip or trendy won’t be prepared to deal with them.


Many parents tell children outright which racial groups they approve of them dating and which racial groups they forbid them to date. Actress Diane Farr is a case in point. Now married to a Korean-American man, Farr had been told growing up that her boyfriends could only be German, Irish, French or Jewish. "No blacks and no Puerto Ricans, though, or you are out of my house," Farr recalled her mother saying. Farr did go on to date black and Puerto Rican men, however, and her parents came around.
Farr defied her parents’ dating rules because she formed genuine connections with men from minority backgrounds. Some people, in contrast, flout their parents’ wishes simply to rebel. No child should feel pressured to go along with their parents’ racist beliefs. At the same time, it’s irresponsible to seek out partners you know your parents would disapprove of just to rebel against them. The mates you seek out certainly won’t appreciate being used as fodder in the war with your parents. If you disagree with your parents’ views on race, challenge them directly by broaching discussions about the issue with them. And if you and your parents have other problems, don’t try to hurt them by dating interracially. You’ll only end up hurting your date and yourself for behaving so insensitively.

You Feel Inferior

It’s no secret that society ingrains messages of inferiority in certain racial groups. This leads some members of minority groups to experience self-hatred. Such people are not only ashamed of their culture but of the physical features they have that reflect that culture. If they could erase every trait that singles them out as belonging to their minority group, they would. Since that’s impossible, they settle for seemingly second best—coupling up with someone from a different race to make them feel better about themselves or to produce children without their telltale ethnic features.
A person this insecure is unlikely to make a good partner. As the old saying goes, you can’t love someone until you love yourself. Rather than dating across ethnic lines for validation, such people need to learn how to feel better about who they are. Seeking therapy, reading up on their cultural background and surrounding themselves with positive images related to their ethnic group may help.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Hot Potato Topic February #2

 Hey my people
I thought this was great for those of you still trying to get it right for V day!
So pay attention, take good notes! Can't wait to hear how you all celebrated. Looking for the success stories and the not-so-successful tales of love!
Yours in the kitchen,
The Chef

Click the link below!

Romantic Dinner at Home

Monday, February 1, 2016

Hot Potato Topic February #1

Love's in the air....yes, that means a lot of ya'll getting ready to get crazy and let your horniness show! Not judging or hating just observing....somebody got to make sure the pot doesn't boil over.
Anyway as you get ready to love the one you're with and knock da' boots, enjoy this fun read that I saw while delayed at the airport.
Can't wait to get back to my kitchen,
The Chef,

Love the One You're With? Or Choose the One You Love?

How going with the flow can get you into the wrong relationship 

Are you looking for love or waiting for love to find you?
If you’re a quiet introvert who prefers sitting in the corner, and if you’re accustomed to feeling like you’re always overlooked, having the high beams of an extrovert’s attention turned on you can be flattering, if not blinding. It’s hard not to be drawn in when the center of attention wants to share the spotlight with you, and it’s hard to resist a forceful personality reaching out and pulling you in.
On one hand, this is fine. Many introverts are not comfortable being the pursuer in relationships. Dan, a 44-year-old computer tech who married an extrovert he met on the job, says, “Given that I was/am also shy with women, dating an introverted woman would have been difficult and long. Actually the dating wouldn’t have been bad, getting around to asking her out would have been long and difficult.”
Ray-Mel, who was first pursued by his wife, says, “I think someone who approaches someone else is by nature extroverted. . . . Recovering from a rejection isn’t as difficult as it is for someone who is more introverted and finds it hard enough to make an approach at all.”

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing you’re not the pursuer type. It’s the kind of self-knowledge that can put you on the path to a happy ending. Many of the introverts I spoke to said that they did tend to be the pursued rather than the pursuer, but some also realized that it meant they didn’t always make conscious choices in their relationships. “I’m very shy and too afraid of embarrassment to put myself out there,” says 17-year-old Niza. And so even though she’s not interested in super-friendly guys who have lots and lots of friends everywhere, she usually ends up with talkative extroverts. “Which is probably why we didn’t work out,” she says. “I always get bored or aggravated with the person and dump him.”
Because of our tendency to let others take the lead, we are at risk of being sucked into relationships we might not have chosen if we’d given it more thought.

We’ve already talked about why introverts can be appealing to extroverts: We let them have the spotlight, we listen to them, and the rapt attention we are capable of providing (or at least faking) is irresistible to an attention-hungry extrovert. And some extroverts genuinely need us (whether or not they’re aware of it) to help them slow down sometimes. “It’s easy for her to get pulled a thousand ways by people,” says Nancy about her “large-and-in-charge” wife. “To have someone who can be quiet with her is really a healthy thing for her.”
All this is 100 percent A-OK. If you find nourishment in the energy of an extrovert, if you enjoy basking in a reflected spotlight, if you are endlessly entertained by extroverted antics, or any of the other myriad reasons you might be drawn to extroverts, then let that extrovert woo you and enjoy.
All I suggest is that if you are going to be drawn into an extrovert’s whirl, be sure you do it consciously and for the right reasons. Don’t just fall in love with someone loving you, if you know what I mean. Actually, that’s probably good advice for anyone, introvert or extrovert. But because introverts are less likely to stick their necks out to make connections, we can be more easily drawn into an extrovert’s attention without considering whether it’s the kind of attention that feeds our souls.
Among the risks of letting the extrovert choose you is that after the initial thrill of your undivided attention wanes, the extrovert might wait for something more exciting to happen, leading to hurtful disappointment. Or you might learn that you enjoy all that fuss and bother only to a degree and after a while find yourself wondering irritably why this bundle of noise and energy doesn’t just calm down and read a book or something. (Granted, you might grumble about that sometimes even if the relationship is generally successful. Just as your extrovert might sometimes wish you would put out a little more energy around people. No relationship is without frustrations, and that’s fine, if they’re fleeting.) You might tire of sharing your loved one with his or her three hundred closest friends. You might get tired of being dragged to parties, or your extrovert might get tired of having to be the engine of your mutual social life.

You might even find you feel threatened by your outgoing extrovert’s easy charms with strangers. In an online essay, “6 Things Every Extrovert Secretly Has to Deal With,” extroverted writer Macy Santo Domingo complains that “People will often assume you’re flirting,” even when you are just being your ordinary, outgoing extroverted self. This is a problem for her, she continues, when her friendliness is “misinterpreted as something more, especially when the person you are talking to gets offended that you are not, in fact, hitting on them.”
Some extroverts might have a flirtatious manner that they have trouble turning off whether or not they intend to flirt. While this might be a little irritating for the extrovert, it can feel deeply threatening for an introverted partner who perceives flirtation and its attendant attention differently.
Of course, you also have to trust your gut because while it could be your extrovert is just being friendly, it also could be genuine flirtation. If it is flirtatiousness, use your gut again to determine whether it’s all in fun or an actual threat. And regardless of whether it’s a genuine threat or not, if you dislike it and the extrovert is unwilling to ratchet it back for your peace of mind, then you get to decide if you’re OK with this in your relationship.
If any of these relationship breakdowns happen, it’s important to remind yourself that it’s just part of finding your way to love. An extrovert might choose you, but you always have the option to opt out if the fit is wrong. If the extrovert you were dating ultimately found you dull, don’t take his or her word for it without first asking yourself what this person’s criteria for “interesting” are. They might be entirely different from your own, and entirely different from the person you want to be. In other words, you’re not dull just because this person thinks you are.

Actually, the person might be reacting to something that has little to do with you. My friend Carol Lennox, LPC, a therapist in Austin, Texas, points out that problems in the relationship often trace back to childhood stuff. An extrovert who was neglected as a child might be drawn to introverts because that lack of attention feels familiar, she says. “This hooks into the childhood pain and makes them angry at the introvert, who may be simply being themselves.”
In his classic self-help book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix points out that most of us look for mates who are like the people who raised us, in order to do it right this time. “Our old brain . . . is trying to recreate the environment of childhood. And the reason the old brain is trying to resurrect the past is not a matter of habit or blind compulsion but of a compelling need to heal old childhood wounds.”
In that case, by choosing you, the other person may be subconsciously opting in to a relationship that has problems built right into it from the get-go. And you may or may not be doing the same thing, depending on whether you are genuinely attracted to the relationship or if you just allowed yourself to get sucked into it.

Sound like pretty heavy stuff? Well, there’s not a lot in the world that’s heavier than choosing the person with whom we feel safe to be ourselves, which is one good reason to wait until we have a reasonably mature view of our needs and wants before we set our life-love path. Getting to know oneself that well can be a long and difficult process, often learned through a lot of trial and error, which in relationships can also mean an awful lot of hurt.
If you frequently find yourself in relationships with friends or lovers who make you feel small and less-than, or if you find yourself frequently exhausted in the relationship from the effort of maintaining a persona the other person expects, maybe you’re letting others choose you rather than choosing to be with people who make you feel wonderful. It might be time to step back and think a little bit: What do you want in a relationship, and is that what you are finding? Are you settling for not-quite-right relationships because they find you?

Excerpted from Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After.
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