Week 11 (Apr 10-16)
Survived exam #2. My stress level is going through roof with my clinical group. I just don't understand why these kids just can't just hang in there and not get so worked up about the staff. People are people and you have to make sure you don't set yourself up to be picked on. Losing my zeal for Research class. Doing my best to be a part of the group but they are meeting on days I have clinical and I really get any feedback from anyone. I hate being left behind...the consequences of my actions and some inactions. Classmates don't automatically mean friends. Got my final evaluation in on time, piece of cake. Glad my final weeks have been positive with the staff and patients. Will start working on my resume and looking for a part time job soon.
Week 12 (Apr 17-23)
Got a great peptalk from my clinical professor, but I'm still feeling the burn out. Doing too much reading of Fan Fiction these days and its a good distraction but an addictive one. I gotten some great ideas for my story, which is almost done. Our group did our presentation and things went well. We unfortunately didn't finish all the groups so some will have to do their presentations before the final exam.
My final evaluation for clinical went well and Prof. Muehlbauer expressed her desire for me to be a TA for her in my fifth semester. After all we endured and survived I look forward to working with her again.
Week 13 (Apr 24-30)
All quiet, unfortunately I am unmotivated to study for my final exam. Part of me is just tired and the other is Star Trek fixated. The Fan Fiction is too much of a distraction now and I can't seem to get enough. I know I am heading for trouble. Maybe I am a little anxious about my upcoming birthday?! I honestly think is due to loneliness. I had such a great cohort going and now its gone. I believe I am pouring my sadness into the Sci-Fi Fantasy but its not helping me with my studies.
Week 14 (May 1-7)
Well I totally disregarded my schedule to study for Research...showed in my final exam grade...I'll be getting a B in that class instead of an A. :0(
I am on track with Med/Surg studying. Now that clinical is behind me I have no excuse or distractions. Yes, I even put the Fan Fiction away for now.
Had a great time at the presentation for Nurse's Week. Having Dr. Michael Bleich address our class was a wonderful experience. Later at the his lecture at the Aztec Athletics Center, I was bouncing off the wall. I fully meant my comment about keeping out "New Car Smell" as nurses and not falling by the wayside in what we do. Just the additional motivation I needed to wrap up this semester.
Week 15 (May 8-14)
I am all alone this week. Trying not to be sad. My workouts have been sporadic at best. I haven't gained any weight but losing is not progressively happening. My heart is adrift at the moment. Miss my cohort. Dr. Robinson has given me are final answer...enjoy summer with my family and make new friends. Easier said then done.
Week 16 (May 15-21)
Final exam. Did great, got an B in the class. Dr Gates seemed to want to get me to say it was okay to keep me behind. I don't think I'll ever be able to say it, agree with it or except it. Hurts way too much and I feel so awful about it. I should have fought harder and got others to help me not get left behind. I did tell him that I really couldn't compare the semesters since things were so different. I was with a group of immature people this time around and I had to do a lot of babysitting that really worked my nerves. Also my teachers were too comfortable with, telling me things like I was their colleague instead of their student. It really caused an increase of pressure on me that I did not like and was unsure how to get rid of.
On the positive, meeting Prof. M was the most rewarding event of the whole semester. I hope to find someone like her if I don't get to see her again to be a mentor to me. I will have to drop her a line from time to time. Also on the positive my grade was changed. Seemed others complained about the getting a grade they didn't earn just to justify their not moving ahead. I think that hurt the most. I am glad to have my GPA back! Which came at the right time I was awarded a $1000 scholarship. That got me motivated again and I might take a summer class. I really just need A's from here on out to keep my GPA up and really show how much I want to be the best at what I do.
May 22-31
Semester Do Over is now behind me. I am working on getting acquainted with my new church family and all the changes that are happening. I had thought I would take a summer course but it was geared for RN-BSN students and I had so much trouble trying to enroll if just really unmotivated me to be there. I'll hold out, especially since I am going need an additional 3 credits to keep my fulltime status. The Commander is ready for me to branch out but since Ensign Andrew will be taking 2 months leave it will have to wait until August. I can now focus my attention on reading and some light television watching.
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