Well let's continue to conversation we started last week. Great discussion...I hope all of us are on the road to better health!
The Chef
The Dating Game: When's the Right Time for Sex?
Experts discuss the consequences of not playing by your own dating rules.
Dating Rules: Talk First, Act Later
While not every dating scenario that involves
sex leads to marriage or even a serious relationship, couples do owe it
to themselves to talk about where they see their relationship going and
how sex might change the relationship -- before they get in bed
together.
"There needs to be a conversation up front. The
woman may assume sex implies a commitment; the man may not see it that
way," Allen tells WebMD.
Dating Rules: Talk It Over with Yourself First
Having an honest conversation with yourself about sex is just as important as discussing it with your partner, experts say.
"Every woman and man should know their boundaries
before they start dating, and most of us don't," says Cheryl McClary,
PhD, JD, professor of women's health at University of North Carolina-Asheville.
When McClary refers to boundaries, she's not talking
just about the physical boundaries that come with sexual territory.
She's also referring to emotional boundaries.
"Emotional wholeness is crucial to the decision process of whether or not to have sex," McClary tells WebMD.
To that end, McClary often tells women, "If you
value a committed relationship, ask yourself, 'What do I need to do to
stay emotionally whole?'"
When directing her advice on dating rules to a male audience, McClary puts things a little differently. "Make sure your brain, heart, and penis are in conjunction -- they should all be in a straight line before you have sex," she says.
McClary believes all daters should invest the same
amount of time conducting these 'self' conversations about personal
dating rules as they do primping before a big date. She also says the
conversation, like the primping, should happen at the same time --
before that big date.
"Think about your sexual boundaries before you've had that first drink," McClary advises.
Dating Rules: Practical Matters
Once you've decided what you want out of a date, say
experts, you should make it part of your regular dating rules to tell
your partner.
"If you just want a one-night stand, you owe it to
your partner to tell them 'it's just sex I'm after,'" McClary tells
WebMD. While a dating partner may not welcome this news, it at least can
minimize later disappointments.
So, too, does an up-front conversation about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
"The risks of STDS have got to be discussed and prevented from spreading," Allen tells WebMD. "I say definitely use condoms, even if you're in a committed relationship," she adds.
Concern about STDs and unwanted pregnancies can
help create sexual boundaries, believes McClary. If, for instance,
you're on the fence about whether or not to take sexual activity to the
next level, a healthy dose of fear may cause you to pause, particularly
if you're not prepared to take the necessary precautions. Plus, not
having adequately prepared for these practical aspects of sex may signal
an overall non-readiness to engage in it.
At some point during their courtship, many dating
couples decide its time to break down initial boundaries -- be they
emotional, physical, or both -- and engage in a sexual relationship. If both people are playing by the same dating rules, sex can serve as the gateway to a consensual, committed relationship.
"I thought there were differences between men and women and how they
felt about relationships. But overall, I have found that very often they
want the same thing," Allen says.
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